A recent study finds that doctors often prescribe newer, pricey drugs instead of the ones recommended under medical guidelines. A pharaceutical council representative replied to the study saying, "Excellent." This was followed by an evil laugh that scared away nearby birds.

During a recent campaign stop, President Bush spelled out his plans to improve job training programs. He went on to describe the negative effects of no job training, but saying, "Look at me."

Researchers have found that watching television boosts toodlers' chances of developing attention deficit problems, as well as aggressiveness and obesity. But researchers are quick to mention that these side effects are acceptable if watching TV will keep those little shits occupied.

Despite limited evidence, the FDA is allowing food companies to include claims that walnuts can reduce heart disease on their packaging. This decision has already sparked a move to also claim that cashews can improve levitation.

The music industry is suing 247 individuals in four European countries for illegal song swapping. Unlike similar American lawsuits, this one is not based on copyright infringement, but rather on that fact that the Europeans' taste in music is just so bad they should be forced to pay, dearly.