tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-40986162011-12-27T16:47:05.426-05:00Steal This JokeEveryday you can get a new, topical joke to claim as your own.bennoreply@blogger.comBlogger591100tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4098616.post-1167873141490640412007-01-03T20:11:00.000-05:002007-01-03T20:12:21.490-05:00When did seeing Britney Spear's crotch go from everyone guy's wet dream to something your buddies trick you into doing on a dare?bennoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4098616.post-1135737389593558612005-12-27T21:32:00.000-05:002005-12-27T21:36:29.606-05:00J.K. Rowling will write the final installment of her Harry Potter novels in 2006. The seventh book will follow the adventures of the now 16-year-old hero. The title is "Harry Potter and Strange New Hair."bennoreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4098616.post-1127869904558889402005-09-27T21:09:00.000-04:002005-09-27T21:11:44.563-04:00U.S. Supreme Court justices said Tuesday they would hear Anna Nicole Smith's appeal to fight for the fortune of her 90-year-old late husband. In related news, the terrorists have officially won.bennoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4098616.post-1119814359137866592005-06-26T15:30:00.000-04:002005-06-26T15:32:39.140-04:00Vice President Dick Cheney continues to defend his comments that the war in a Iraq is an 'enormous success story.' Frustrated by the critics, he has directed all future comments to his Natational Crazy Advisor, Tom Cruise.bennoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4098616.post-1106868702580297852005-01-27T18:28:00.000-05:002005-01-27T18:31:42.580-05:00The government is enlisting truckers in the battle against terrorism. Reports are that this was President Bush's backup option. His original idea was to hire the Duke Boys. bennoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4098616.post-1101331909767256882004-11-24T16:30:00.000-05:002004-11-24T16:33:50.606-05:00This year's "Frigid 50" published by FilmThreat.com named Michael Moore and Halle Berry the top LEAST intriguing celebrities of the year. Apparently, FilmThreat.com is run by gay Republicans. bennoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4098616.post-1087341963947040262004-06-15T19:23:00.000-04:002004-06-15T19:26:03.946-04:00George Bush Sr. willing be parachuting on this 80th birthday, in a "exciting celebration of life." Or as most terroists call it, "skeet."bennoreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4098616.post-108258287100902082004-04-21T17:25:00.000-04:002004-04-21T17:31:50.966-04:00A recent study finds that doctors often prescribe newer, pricey drugs instead of the ones recommended under medical guidelines. A pharaceutical council representative replied to the study saying, "Excellent." This was followed by an evil laugh that scared away nearby birds.bennoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4098616.post-1081269409218116302004-04-06T12:32:00.000-04:002004-04-06T12:40:29.263-04:00During a recent campaign stop, President Bush spelled out his plans to improve job training programs. He went on to describe the negative effects of no job training, but saying, "Look at me."bennoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4098616.post-1081190716868144372004-04-05T14:42:00.000-04:002004-04-05T14:48:55.466-04:00Researchers have found that watching television boosts toodlers' chances of developing attention deficit problems, as well as aggressiveness and obesity. But researchers are quick to mention that these side effects are acceptable if watching TV will keep those little shits occupied.
bennoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4098616.post-1080916860020908022004-04-02T09:28:00.000-05:002004-04-02T09:44:34.420-05:00Despite limited evidence, the FDA is allowing food companies to include claims that walnuts can reduce heart disease on their packaging. This decision has already sparked a move to also claim that cashews can improve levitation.
bennoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4098616.post-1080859801012389912004-04-01T17:46:00.000-05:002004-04-01T17:53:35.030-05:00The music industry is suing 247 individuals in four European countries for illegal song swapping. Unlike similar American lawsuits, this one is not based on copyright infringement, but rather on that fact that the Europeans' taste in music is just so bad they should be forced to pay, dearly.
bennoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4098616.post-1080743390387277542004-03-31T09:28:00.000-05:002004-03-31T09:33:26.966-05:00Five women who say they were secretly videotaped undressing while they applied for jobs at a Los Angeles area Hooters sued the restaurant chain Tuesday. The dollar amount will be equal to their current rates for getting videotapped while undressing.bennoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4098616.post-1072919451472422322003-12-31T20:10:00.000-05:002003-12-31T20:12:23.856-05:00A 67-year-old woman who had a heart attack on a plane ride was helped by 15 heart doctors who happened to be on board -- heading to a convention in Florida. The woman was also attended to by the 15 mistresses that were also on board the plane.
bennoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4098616.post-1071702978557810612003-12-17T17:26:00.000-05:002003-12-31T20:08:11.373-05:00Europe's biggest fishtank was wrecked on Wednesday by a fire that ravaged the Danish museum in which it is housed. Thankfully the clean up of the dead speciems will move forward with the arrival of Europe's biggest toliet bowl.bennoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4098616.post-1067625373401173212003-10-31T13:34:00.000-05:002003-10-31T13:36:23.903-05:00A man described by authorities as a known sexual predator was chased through the streets of South Philadelphia by an angry crowd of Catholic high school girls, who kicked and punched him after he exposed himself to them. R. Kelly has subsequently canceled his South Philadelphia concert.bennoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4098616.post-1064006052843499732003-09-19T17:11:00.000-04:002003-09-19T17:14:12.803-04:00Will and Jada Pinkett-Smith's former male housekeeper is suing the celebrity couple for alleged failure to pay overtime and failure to refer to him as Housekeeper Jazzy Jeff.
bennoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4098616.post-1060888325179187392003-08-14T15:12:00.000-04:002003-08-14T15:16:37.966-04:00The structural failure of a ceiling grid at an Atlantic City, New Jersey, venue over the weekend may have brought the Justin Timberlake/Christina Aguilera tour to an abrupt end. When asked for comment, Aguilera said, "Even skanks be needin' ceilin' grids too."
bennoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4098616.post-1058357788130107542003-07-16T08:16:00.000-04:002003-07-16T08:16:28.086-04:00Madonna will be the new face for Gap's fall multimillion dollar ad campaign. Gap's spokeswoman says that this will help the retailer better market to its new core audience: slutty, rich MILF's.
bennoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4098616.post-939299142003-05-07T10:56:00.000-04:002003-05-07T10:56:53.726-04:00Hollywood star Leonardo DiCaprio has been questioned in a $45 million lawsuit stemming from a five-year-old case that alleges he ordered friends to "kick the ass" of actress Elizabeth Berkley's ex-boyfriend. The judge is likely to throw out the case due to the fact that the boyfriend's physical assault was nothing compared the damage already done to his career by dating the "Showgirls" star.
bennoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4098616.post-938611722003-05-06T09:40:00.000-04:002003-05-06T09:40:55.396-04:00Students from China and other regions of Asia affected by the SARS virus will not be accepted for the summer session at the University of California at Berkeley. In a related story, Caucasian students in the math and science classes are protesting that they won't have anyone to cheat off of.bennoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4098616.post-935953152003-05-01T10:19:00.000-04:002003-05-06T09:39:15.000-04:00Spammers who send unsolicited e-mail pitches now risk landing in prison under a tough Virginia law. A complaint is being filed by newly formed spammer support committee called People for Cheap Sluts, Sexy Singles in Your Area, Online Casinos, and Penis Enlargers.Their report, entitled "Are You Mad at Me? ZY3W" is due out this week.bennoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4098616.post-928518862003-04-18T15:09:00.000-04:002003-04-18T15:09:44.716-04:00Katie Couric and Jay Leno will be switching jobs for one day on May 12. Couric will host the Tonight show and Leno will be groped by Al Roker.bennoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4098616.post-915475912003-03-28T09:42:00.000-05:002003-03-28T09:44:51.000-05:00The Mayor of Lambertville, NJ, home of "Millionaire" winner Zora Andrick has named this Saturday "Zora Day." The Mayor said that this honor is being bestowed on her for "setting a fine example for personality-less gold diggers everywhere who are looking to attract dim-witted, underwear-modeling construction workers."bennoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4098616.post-914831782003-03-27T10:15:00.000-05:002004-03-31T09:38:15.920-05:00Celine Dion took the stage Tuesday night at Caesars Palace in the debut of "A New Day," her multimillion-dollar show that will run for 3 years. Roy, from Segfried & Roy, commented, "It's really the gayest thing I've ever seen."bennoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4098616.post-909294142003-03-18T11:14:00.000-05:002003-03-18T11:14:35.043-05:00Britney Spears has filed a lawsuit against Skechers, claiming the company failed to pay her for marketing a line of roller skates and accessories. She is asking for $1.5 million and the right to keep all the knee pads she wants.
bennoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4098616.post-906871322003-03-13T22:37:00.000-05:002003-03-13T22:37:15.450-05:00Representative Bob Ney ordered that House restaurants change their menus to read "freedom fries" instead of French fries. In a surprise move, Bill Clinton also ordered that his most prized possession change it's name to read "freedom tickler."
bennoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4098616.post-904919372003-03-10T20:40:00.000-05:002003-03-10T20:40:21.373-05:00Grammar experts surprisingly sided with Fred Durst that his use of "agreeance" during his anti-war speech at the Grammy's. It turns out that "agreeance" is a real word -- but it is considered obsolete -- except in areas of Australia. This is ironic since Limp Bizkit is also obsolete -- except in areas of Durst's mind.
bennoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4098616.post-903160742003-03-07T14:20:00.000-05:002003-03-07T14:20:41.936-05:00Some of the country's most popular tourist sites might be closed temporarily if a war with Iraq raises new terrorist concerns. Officials are asking all terrorist organizations to shift their plans away from our national landmarks and focus on wherever they are filming, "I'm A Celebrity: Get Me Out of Here."
bennoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4098616.post-901777752003-03-05T09:57:00.000-05:002003-03-05T09:57:55.966-05:00"The Ring" comes out on video this week. The horror movie is about a videotape that kills whomever watchs it. A personal movie review: No way in hell am I going to rent it. bennoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4098616.post-901193462003-03-04T11:42:00.000-05:002003-05-06T09:43:50.000-04:00In Byron Bay, north of Sydney, 250 gay men dressed in their birthday suits to spell out "Peace, man." To date this was the first protest to combine both anti-war and anti-bush agendas.bennoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4098616.post-900215852003-03-02T19:47:00.000-05:002003-03-02T19:47:45.530-05:00On Sunday night, TV viewers got treated to exclusive interviews with Robert Blake and Saddam Hussein. Or, as network executives are billing it: Liar, Liar.
bennoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4098616.post-899022462003-02-28T09:37:00.000-05:002003-02-28T09:37:02.110-05:00University of Massachusetts President William Bulger, under fire over his relationship with his mobster brother, could lose his job under a shake-up proposed by Gov. Mitt Romney. In related news, Gov. Mitt Romney recruited an intern to start his car for him.
bennoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4098616.post-898586302003-02-27T15:54:00.000-05:002003-02-27T15:54:05.046-05:00Sarah Michelle Gellar is leaving "Buffy the Vampire Slayer." The show will go on, with a new star and a new title: "Anna the Sundae Slayer."
bennoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4098616.post-897199332003-02-25T12:02:00.000-05:002003-02-25T12:02:27.950-05:00Three people were arrested and charged inciting a riot outside MTV's studios. This happened as a large crowd gathered for an "American Idol"-style competition to find new rap stars. The three arrested inviduals were disqualified because their involvment in the fight proved that they were already professional rappers. bennoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4098616.post-895154712003-02-21T15:33:00.000-05:002003-02-21T15:33:23.680-05:00A high school teacher in Illinois has filed a lawsuit against Loews theaters over their practice of running commericials prior to movies. Also named in the suit are dancing cartoon popcorn man, dancing cartoon soda guy, and dancing sexy cartoon box of Ju-Ju Bees.bennoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4098616.post-894341822003-02-20T09:45:00.000-05:002003-02-20T09:45:17.090-05:00The final episode of "Joe Millionaire" beat out two Michael Jackson specials in the ratings race this week. So if you are keeping score at home: Frankenstein 1, The Mummy 0.bennoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4098616.post-893510162003-02-18T23:10:00.000-05:002003-02-18T23:10:39.526-05:00A Japanese tourist was arrested after carrying a canister of gasoline and a barbecue grill through Miami International Airport. Police, however, have decided not to press charges since the man showed them how to flip a piece of shrimp and catch it on their hats.bennoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4098616.post-892757292003-02-17T21:01:00.000-05:002003-02-17T21:01:47.250-05:00A rusty, broken bell that may have come from Christopher Columbus' the Santa Maria was seized by Spanish police Monday, days before it was to be auctioned off. Such a shame that a goverment can come in and claim something as their own. bennoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4098616.post-891995182003-02-16T15:25:00.000-05:002003-02-16T15:25:49.656-05:00Greek Cypriot opposition leader Tassos Papadopoulos swept to a first round presidential election. A movie about his victory is tentatively entitled My Big Fat Greek Last Name.bennoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4098616.post-887253062003-02-07T16:26:00.000-05:002003-02-07T16:26:56.673-05:00Washington, D.C. has declared a snow emergency. Marion Barry has volunteered to help clear it the only way he knows how.
bennoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4098616.post-885896272003-02-05T09:10:00.000-05:002003-02-05T09:10:25.306-05:00Ben Affleck told Vanity Fair in an interview that he doesn't wear a toupee, he's never entertained a gay thought, and he's not getting married on Valentine's Day to girlfriend Jennifer Lopez. When asked to comment, Lopez said that she admires the honesty of her balding, homosexual fiance.
bennoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4098616.post-885082582003-02-03T21:58:00.000-05:002003-02-03T21:58:37.043-05:00Punxsutawney Phil emerged from his burrow and saw his shadow on Gobbler's Knob, suggesting another six weeks of wintry weather. Ironically, Gobbler's Knob is also one of the movies that featured Sarah from "Joe Millionaire."bennoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4098616.post-883251262003-01-31T08:46:00.000-05:002003-01-31T14:08:06.000-05:00Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen , 16, will have their first fragrance line out April 1. The scent will be a fresh, vanilla-based formula that "will be perfect for active teenage girls." In related news, R.Kelly has bought the first 10,000 bottles of it.bennoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4098616.post-882709932003-01-30T10:30:00.000-05:002003-01-30T10:30:33.430-05:00According to a new study, an increasing number of teenage girls think vegetarianism is cool and are eating much less beef. When asked for response, teenage boys said that few girls in their school eat meat, but they have a girlfriends in Canada who do, all the time, but you wouldn't know them.bennoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4098616.post-882184652003-01-29T13:35:00.000-05:002003-01-30T11:14:42.000-05:00A recent study showed that Botox shots also get rid of armpit smell. It's a facial tranquilizer and a deodorant. Never let 'em see you sweat or smile.bennoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4098616.post-881532242003-01-28T08:15:00.000-05:002003-01-28T08:15:31.386-05:00Experts continue trying to track the source of the "Slammer" worm computer virus. Paul "Pee-Wee Herman" Reubens has declined to comment.bennoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4098616.post-880807832003-01-27T00:19:00.000-05:002003-01-27T00:19:00.483-05:00Sejfulla Myftari, a famous Albanian comedian, averted a highway robbery by making the bandits laugh. They let him go so that they could rob the next car. In related news, Yackov Schmirnov was robbed repeatedly.bennoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4098616.post-879726482003-01-24T15:10:00.000-05:002003-01-24T15:10:08.140-05:00Scientists in the United States are modifying ink jet printers and using cells to create 3D structures and, maybe one day, brand new human organs. This groudbreaking research is being sponsored by the government and private donations from Keith Richards and John Bobbit.
bennoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4098616.post-878959342003-01-23T07:56:00.000-05:002003-01-23T07:56:13.856-05:00"American Idol 2" debuted this week. As in the original, aspiring stars compete to get critical career advice from three experts: a rich British record exec, a famous R&B producer, and a former cheerleader who did a duet with a rapping, cartoon cat.
bennoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4098616.post-878449032003-01-22T10:53:00.000-05:002003-01-22T10:53:14.983-05:00Fox is working brining back the 1906's horse sitcom "Mr. Ed." The new version will star a talking jar of glue. bennoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4098616.post-877831522003-01-21T09:35:00.000-05:002003-01-21T09:35:34.573-05:00San Francisco has become the first major city to outlaw the Segway Human Transporter on its sidewalks. When explaining their decision, officials sited the fact that the city was "already gay enough."bennoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4098616.post-877245132003-01-20T07:30:00.000-05:002003-01-20T07:30:32.083-05:00Robert Downey Jr. says jail made him older and wiser. But according to his cell mates, they believe he really meant "older and wider."bennoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4098616.post-875921942003-01-17T10:14:00.000-05:002003-01-17T10:14:45.000-05:00Vincent D'Onofrio is suing Madonna and husband Guy Ritchie claiming that the couple stole his idea for the movie "Swept Away." If D'Onofrio wins, he could stand to walk way with a sizable share of the single box-office receipt.bennoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4098616.post-875199072003-01-16T00:15:00.000-05:002003-01-16T13:21:25.000-05:00A new feature documentary is focusing on how the 1972 porn film "Deep Throat" fueled the sexual revolution, seeped into Nixon-era politics, and sparked the need for many great advancements in bikini-waxing technology.bennoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4098616.post-874603592003-01-15T00:35:00.000-05:002003-01-20T23:38:05.000-05:00A recent study reports that job applicants with "white names" received significantly higher responses rates than applicants with "black names." The white name that got the highest response rate from male hiring managers? Monica Lewinsky.bennoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4098616.post-874178072003-01-14T09:25:00.000-05:002003-01-14T09:25:25.143-05:00The author of a new book claims that a large Chinese expedition discovered the New World years before Columbus arrived. This theory has come under criticism since the book also claims that in 1367 the Chinese government invented the art of playing jokes and putting pee-pee in Cokes.bennoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4098616.post-873381792003-01-13T00:13:00.000-05:002003-01-13T00:13:55.263-05:00Pete Townshend was accused of downloading child porn. He denies that he's guilty. Townshend, who is almost legally deaf from his years on stage, claims that he misheard his wife when she asked him to "go online and buy some twelve-year-old SCOTCH."bennoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4098616.post-873044932003-01-12T09:01:00.000-05:002003-01-12T09:39:05.000-05:00The debut of "The Bachelorette" was watched by over 17 million people -- five times that of its closest competitor "The West Wing." Proving again, that in the minds of Americans, politics will always take a back seat to our love for whores.bennoreply@blogger.com0