Washington, D.C. has declared a snow emergency. Marion Barry has volunteered to help clear it the only way he knows how.

Ben Affleck told Vanity Fair in an interview that he doesn't wear a toupee, he's never entertained a gay thought, and he's not getting married on Valentine's Day to girlfriend Jennifer Lopez. When asked to comment, Lopez said that she admires the honesty of her balding, homosexual fiance.

Punxsutawney Phil emerged from his burrow and saw his shadow on Gobbler's Knob, suggesting another six weeks of wintry weather. Ironically, Gobbler's Knob is also one of the movies that featured Sarah from "Joe Millionaire."